Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
