Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
