Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
