No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
