Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
