also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
