I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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