You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Two words: blizzard sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
