My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
