Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
