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just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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