come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
