Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
