I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
