can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
