Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
