3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
