K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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