1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
