I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
