I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
