1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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