Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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