If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
