I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
