not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
