Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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