if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
