What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
That was an excessively violent trivia night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
