She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
