That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
