well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
try to milk me bitch
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
