So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
