Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
