doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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