I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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