I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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