Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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