Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
