Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
