im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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