My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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