I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
