just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
