I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
