WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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