I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
