Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't deserve a penis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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