do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tonight lets celebrate not being married
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
