the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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